Work Horse

"I am almost sitting on my body as if I were a horseman riding on a horse. I beat it or praise it, I feed it and clean it and nurse it when neccessary. I urge it on without consulting it and I hold it back against it's will. When my body-horse is well behaved I generally ignore it, but when it gets unruly - which is all too often - I pull out the whip to beat it back into reasonable submission...I no longer approach the world with my body but on my body...My consciousness is almost exclusively head consciousness - I am head, but I own my body. The body is reduced from self to property, something which is 'mine' but not 'me'."
Wilber 1981, p. 106

I really love this quote. We beat our own bodies into submission; we treat the body as though it’s our own but don’t view it as a part of ourselves. This reminds me a lot of the biblical perspective, that our body is a temple for God and we should treat it as such. We are clearly facing an epidemic of obesity here in the United States, yet instead of asking our bodies how we can resolve this or how they would like to be treated, instead of listening to cues about what makes our bodies feel good and energized (i.e.: healthy fresh foods, exercise) we simply feed them junk and wash it down with diet pills hoping to “whip it back into submission.”


Frequently I feel as though I do this to my own body. When I am at the gym and doing a self driven workout I will often push myself to the point beyond exhaustion, I’ve even pushed myself to the point of passing out or getting sick. I want to make sure I am getting the most out of my workout and never stop to check with my body and see how the workout is affecting it. It’s as though I am working out on my body instead of with it. I can contrast this with attending a yoga class, while I am often pushed to my physical limits the instructor is there to frequently remind me not to push myself beyond what my body is ready to do that day, to listen to the physical cues my body is trying to send and respect that. Upon completion of a yoga workout I feel myself refreshed and yet physically exhausted and so very proud of the things my body was able to accomplish, compared to that of a self driven workout in which I feel as though I come up short, questioning if I worked hard enough. I don’t know why it is so hard for me to be sensitive to my own body when it comes so easily for me to be sensitive to that of another’s.

When I am in my care giving role, whether that is as a mother, a wife or a nurse, I am very aware of the entire embodied spirit. As I’m tucking my children in at night I don’t only make sure they’re wearing pajamas that are warm or cool enough, I ensure the blankets are straight and of the right thickness to get through the night. I smooth out the sheets beneath them and untwist their clothing so they will be comfortable, if they have a cough or runny nose I put some Vicks cream on their chest and feet. We say prayers and I ask them if they would like me to sing a song to them. I make sure they have just enough white noise to help them sleep. I attend to their physical needs but do it from the most loving place in my heart; I am also attending to their spiritual needs as well. It is a very comforting ritual for all of us.

When I am attending to my patients I make every attempt to do the same. I do not place a stethoscope on their bodies until I have established a sense of trust with them, I make sure to enter the space with my heart open so I can be listening (on all levels both physically and metaphysically) to the individual needs they may have. If I move a blanket to perform a medical task I do not leave the room until I’ve replaced it. I touch their bodies in ways that are not just completing my medical tasks but in ways to offer reassurance, gently squeezing a hand or placing my hand on their shoulder before inserting a thermometer in their ear. I try to discuss things beyond the medical diagnosis, beyond the hospital, I try to get the know them. I closely monitor not only their heart rate and other vital signs but the expression on their face, the white in their knuckles, the position of their legs to get an indicator of how their body is responding to my touch, my interventions. I feel a deep connection with that patient and leave the room feeling restored myself, knowing my actions came from love and feel completely invigorated when I know the patient understands my intentions as well. I truly feel I am able to see my patients and their families as entire beings, as embodied spirits. I don’t know why it is such a struggle for me to see myself in that same light.